HUNGRY GERALD

A simple name: Joe’s Diner. Simple decor: 50’s diner. Cuisine: Simple–but great. Joe’s, a restaurant on the corner of Rodeo Road and Zia in Santa Fe, takes simplicity and makes it soar to culinary heights with carefully chosen local ingredients and superb cooking technique. What could be simpler than a hamburger? Well, Joe’s hamburger is cooked with locally raised, organic beef. It is cooked to perfection — pink and juicy in the center, charred, but not burnt on the outside. The bun (both soft and crisp) is toasted and buttered. Served with melted blue cheese, green chile and thinly sliced red onions. The accompaniments: Perfect cole slaw with just the right amount of mayonnaise and state-of-the-art French fries. An All-American dish that soars. HG is going to come back to Joe’s for rack of lamb, barbecued brisket, roast duck and prime rib (Fridays only). Well over 50% of Joe’s food budget is allocated to local producers. Eat local.Eat well. Eat at Joe’s.

Contemplating Mitt Romney and the current condition of American thought has put HG in a misanthropic frame of mind. Therefore, HG has been thinking of various food dislikes. As noted, HG will be visiting Montreal this year. HG will shun poutine, a Quebecois obsession; Nay, perversion would be a better descriptive. Montreal takes pride in its bagels. HG has learned that in that city bagels get a bath in honey water before boiling and baking. This strikes HG as a major error on par with the dreaded Cinnamon-Raisin Bagel. The Philadelphia specialties of cheese steaks and soft pretzels with mustard have many fans. HG is not among them. St. Louis Italian restaurants offer fried ravioli. Awful. New England clam chowder is glop (except at the Downy Flake Cafe on Nantucket Island). Chicago beef sandwiches are unpleasant. Soggy bread. Tasteless meat. Greasy gravy that drips on your clothes. Chicago deep dish pizza is an aberration. Southern hush puppies are little grease bombs and pecan pie sets HG’s teeth on edge with its overpowering, gooey sweetness. Only good pecan pie was made by HG’s late, beloved sister. Southern fried chicken is overrated. Koreans and Chinese fry chicken better. Despite some fear about reprisals from Texas good ole boys, HG states, emphatically: SJ’s Brooklyn barbecue is better than any HG ever tasted in Texas. HG despises all cream sauces. The only good hamburgers are the hamburgers HG makes at home. All others range from vile to borderline okay. In the area of exotica, HG, a lover of Japanese food, cannot stomach monkfish liver. HG does not like haute cuisine restaurants (especially in Paris) and tasting menus (too much food and HG always feels queasy after this overindulgence). HG hates all fast food chains (with the exception of Chipotle) and believes that fast food bears the same relationship to nutrition as the Tea Party does to civilized, rational thought.

HG truly hates the whole world of mega fast food. Vile hamburgers. Nasty, oily fried chicken. Doesn’t taste good and it’s not good for you. A nice hamburger made at home is a whole other story. HG uses ground chuck with a reasonable fat content. No fat spells a dry and tasteless burger. HG adds a bit of micro-planed garlic to the meat and gently forms the patty. Overworking creates toughness. HG’s trusty, old and seasoned cast iron pan is put on high heat with a thin layer of kosher salt (meanwhile some sliced onions are cooking in another pan). When the cast iron is good and hot the patty goes on (there will be smoke and sizzle). A good crust develops. The burger is flipped so the other side gets crusty. Then the heat is turned to medium (you want a crusty, not burned burger). After a bit of time, HG sticks in a fork to test for doneness (HG likes a pink, but not raw burger…steak tartare it isn’t). HG finishes it with some blue cheese which melts quickly. This delicious piece of meat is slipped on a slice of ciabatta and smothered in the fried onions. A few Bubbie’s sweet pickle slices on the side (HG must have his vegetables). When ripe and in season, some sliced tomato is a good idea or in the dead of winter, you can try Kumato tomatoes which are flavorful and available at Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s year round. This is a good, down home meal and all it needs to round it out is some fruity California Zinfandel. A pox on you. Mickey Dee.