HUNGRY GERALD

Elevated trains still rumble through The Bronx, Brooklyn and Queens. None in Manhattan. This wasn’t the case when little HG was growing up and the ELs (as they were called) ran along Second Avenue, Third Avenue, Sixth Avenue and Ninth Avenue. Noisy. The El made Second Avenue a low end street, furtive with shadows and subway grime. Sixth Avenue was devoted to middle class shopping and the train took you directly to Macy’s on Herald Square. Ninth Avenue was a manufacturing street. Third Avenue was lively. Many restaurants and scores of Irish bars. Loved the various stations on the Third Avenue line with their little cupolas for the change giver (the comedian Jackie Gleason’s mother was one of these ladies) and the pot bellied stoves where you could keep warm while waiting for the train. HG and his late beloved sister, Beulah K., would take the El at Fordham Road in The Bronx (fare was five cents) and take a downtown trip. Exciting. We looked into countless tenement windows (witnessed some entertaining scenes), backyard gardens of brownstones and, best of all, the huge copper pots of the Jacob Ruppert Brewery in the 90’s. We exited at Chatham Square. Chinatown. A big lunch. Wonton soup. Roast pork (or barbecued spare ribs). Shrimp chow mein. Almond cookies. Lots of tea. Lavish lunch for 25 cents. Strolled to Union Square Park on 14th to hear Communists, Anarchists, Socialists, Trotskyites harangue crowds from soapboxes. No Fascists or Capitalists. Free speech, yes. But, there were limits.

SJ here. I’ve ridden with the Hell’s Angels. Boring. Tried rumbling with street gangs. Over hyped! Done Drive-bys with posses. Nothing to write home about. But for the last month, I have been part of the Dim Sum Warriors. A gang of hepped up dumpling fiends out for kicks and bragging rights for nailing the most awesome Har Gow in NYC.

Let’s break down the members…Myself, a.k.a. Johnny Choppers; Jamie S. a.k.a. Cheeseburger; Michael L. a.k.a. Big Mike and Maya L. a.k.a. Le Pew

We started our Dim Sum rampage last month at Oriental Garden in Manhattan’s Chinatown. Overall, the place rated high. Small room. Vast selection of Dim Sum. A stand out version of Steamed Pork Spare Ribs and a great steamed pork bun. Shrimp based dumplings and rolls suffered a touch from over steaming but, overall, things were good, but not overwhelming.

The next week we strapped on our colors on and rolled on through to the Manhattan classic, Golden Unicorn. The Unicorn is a classic of the New School Hong Kong Dim Sum Palace — it is huge (2 floors), wildly gaudy and absolutely packed. Food-wise, it is a better bet than Oriental Garden — flavors were a bit cleaner and overall quality was a bit higher. Still…No yelling from the roof tops.

The next week disaster hit. We went to 88 Palace which, for a while, was being hailed as having the best Dim Sum in New York. Well, those days are sadly past and what comes out of the kitchen can barely be called food. As Cheeseburger put it — “Everything tastes like it came out of a dumpster.” And not only was the food bad, but the service was rude and the whole place gave off a vibe as if they owed some major cash to some Chinese gangsters and they were just letting the whole restaurant fall apart. Terrible in the extreme. In fact we could not finish the Dim Sum that we had ordered and were still hungry so ended the meal by going outside and getting lamb burgers from X’ian Famous Foods. Avoid 88 Palace!

The next week, we decided to head to Flushing on the advice of a whispered rumour that the chef at Grand Restaurant was doing some amazing things with Dim Sum. Well, Grand Restaurant is certainly grand — in fact in takes up the entire top floor of the New World Mall (which has one of the world’s great food courts nestling in the basement) and is swathed in an over-the-top decorating motif that shimmies from 1980s Miami Vice style Greek Revival to Versailles style opulence to just plain nutty. How many rooms does this place have? No idea. There’s banquet halls, aquarium rooms, karoke centers and probably some tanning salons as well. And PACKED!!! Packed with Chinese families happy beyond belief eating an immense amount of good looking things. After the requisite 30 minute wait, we were led to a huge table in a room off the main dining room. I got very nervous that we would be ignored so I grabbed a manager and told him how hungry we were and asked him to make sure that the carts sped our way. Man was on point and after referring to me as “Mr. Hungry” (Mr. Hungry Jr., I should have said!) directed carts to us like a general at D Day. Soon our table was filled with some of the most flavorful, freshest, hottest, interesting and most high quality Dim Sum I have ever tried. They serve over 100 different Dim Sum items but let me list a bunch that we had: Roast Pork Turnover, Fried Watercress Dumpling, Crystal Shrimp Dumpling a.k.a. Har Gow, Salt & Pepper Large Shrimps, Sausage & Taro Dumplings, Congee With Vegetable and Pork, Beef Ball With Fresh Bamboo Shoots, Steamed Pork Spare Ribs with Pumpkin, Shrimp Shu Mai, Fried Shrimp Roll, Fried Stuffed Tofu, Sticky Rice with Mixed Meat, Fish Ball In Curry Sauce, Shark Fin Dumpling in Soup, Clams with Black Bean Sauce and Steamed Pork Bun. WOW! As mentioned, the food was of the highest quality — the Har Gow were by far the best I have ever had, the Sticky Rice (which I normally dismiss) was heavenly, the Beef Balls were rich with flavor but still light, the Steamed Pork Spare Ribs were stunning…everything really was just great and we barely touched the surface of what they have. True, the service was a bit off — BOWLS please!!! — and it was tough to get some Chili Sauce or extra soy sauce, but the gang agreed, hands down, that a winner had been found. A winner that could mock our other experiences.

True, Grand Restaurant may well be the crown jewel, but as Dim Sum warriors, we do no rest on our laurels. Other names have been mentioned, other experiences have beckoned and back on the road we shall be until that last Char Siu Bao is ripped out of our cold, lifeless hands.

The Har Gow At Grand Restaurant

Yes, New York is world capital of culture, finance, style, skyscrapers and virtually everything else. But, to greedy HG, New York means Chinatown, dim sum, congee and other treats. So, after a night’s sleep following some 11 hours of air travel from Bologna it was off to Chinatown for a dim sum lunch with Gorgeous Restaurateur Daughter (Five Points, Cookshop, Hundred Acres) Vicki F. Destination for HG and BSK was Nom Wah (SJ recently posted a memorable piece of prose about this vintage eatery).

Talk about a trip down Memory Lane. As SJ has remarked, the old place got cleaned up but retained every bit of its funky appearance. HG was startled. It seemed nothing had changed since he first ate there some 56 (!!) years ago. Vicki ordered brilliantly and though the decor had not changed, the food was better. Har Gow and Shu Mai were among the best HG had ever consumed.

That night the trio was joined by SJ. Exquisite Maiko, Adorable Haru and Vicki’s husband and partner, Marc M. The site was Congee on 98 Bowery. Yes, there was congee. But, also fried squid, a couple of large, steamed flounders, clams in blacks bean sauce, sauteed greens, etc. Lots of food. Lots of joy.

Many years ago HG sat astride a big bucket perched on a raft floating in the Atlantic Ocean off the coast of Fire Island — the barrier beach heralded in fact, fiction and gay (in all senses of the word) memories. Two companions were armed with nets and they were energetically capturing blue shell crabs swimming busily in the waters. HG assisted in scooping the crustaceans into the bucket and in the process was nipped by the little devils. In fact, HG’s arms and legs were very bloody. Didn’t hurt too much but looked frightening — like the pig blood scene in Brian De Palma’s “Carrie”. Some 150 crabs were boiled and, annoyingly after all that work, there was little to eat. Not worth the bloody effort.

For a crab feast HG could get his stomach around, HG focused on New York’s Chinatown where the Phoenix Garden, Wing Fat and a number of other eateries did great things with crab (including an intriguing dish known as “Crab with Fried Milk”).

However, the best dish of all was BSK’s crab cakes, crisp and moist. Held together by her own amalgam of mayonnaise, Dijon mustard, lemon juice and a few — very few — bread crumbs.

In 1957, a super-cool pal of HG took him to lunch at Nom Wah Tea Parlor on Doyers Street in New York’s Chinatown. In the days of the Tong Wars when Chinese gangs fought for control of opium, gambling and extortion rackets, Doyers (which is shaped like an elbow) was called “The Bloody Angle” and it was a veritable killing field. But, all was peaceful when HG dug into a meal of steamed and fried dumplings, pork buns, spare ribs and other savories. HG learned this type was food was known by the collective name: Dim Sum. The Dim Sum was brought to the table on carts wheeled by serious Chinese women. The danger was stuffing oneself on the offerings of one cart when an even better cart was waiting in the wings. Condiments were hot mustard and Hoisin sauce. The beverage was tea, of course, but HG supplemented this with a bottle of cognac. That first visit led to scores more. BSK became a devotee as did gifted daughter LR and SJ. Nom Wah was ludicrously cheap, of course, as was everything in the Chinatown of that era. HG had many feasts of fried crabs in eggs sauce ($1.75 at Wing Fat) , shrimp in black bean sauce ($1.25 at Yuet Sun) and other laughably priced delicacies up and down Mott Street. How about surprisingly good grilled pork liver for 45 cents? In oncoming years Chinatown was flooded with huge, Hong Kong-style dim sum parlors. HG hasn’t been to Nom Wah in years and didn’t know if it even existed anymore. Voila! Nice story in NY Times a few days ago. Still in business under management of new generation of owners. No carts. Dim sum made to order. Still good. Still cheap. Decor has been kept the same with only some very minor refurbishments. Can’t wait to get back and refresh happy memories.