HUNGRY GERALD

Born and bred in Italy, an authority on many aspects of Italian culture and cuisine, HG’s son-in-law, Profesore/Dottore Massimo R., a distinguished academic, dismisses orzo, one of HG’s favorite pasta shapes. “Only in soup,” declares Massimo. Yes, it’s great in soup. BSK makes a delicious egg drop soup in the Roman style to which HG likes to add orzo and a topping of grated parmesan and ground pepper. But, HG likes to accompany almost everything — fish, meat, grilled vegetables — with a steaming bowl of orzo. A favorite orzo preparation is mixed with fried onions and mushrooms (plus garlic and olive oil, of course). HG also loves it mixed with anchovies and capers. HG even likes orzo for breakfast with a few pats of butter and a dollop of Greek yogurt (better than oatmeal but not as healthy). HG bows to Profesore/Dottore’s judgment on Pirandello, Palladio, Giotto, etc. but when it comes to his denigration of orzo, HG must respectfully disagree.

As a side-note HG’s daughter-in-law Exquisite Maiko, one of the great chefs walking this earth, also disparages orzo as a pasta “pretending to be rice” and ending up with neither of the great qualities of rice nor pasta. Once again, HG will happily fress on EM’s heavenly tempura while keeping a warm bowl of orzo on his table. “More for me!” says HG.

Are you (like HG/BSK) a passionate oyster lover? Then read on and turn bright green with envy. Prince Edward Island has long been famous for its Malpeque oysters and these are the oysters which are exported all around the world. They are splendid bivalves, indeed, but the true king of oysters is PEI’s South Lake oyster. This oyster is big, lush, briny. Incomparable. HG drops by the local fish store (By the Bay Fish Mart) and picks up a half dozen for the evening appetizer. The obliging fish lady picks out the biggest and best for HG, her steadiest customer. The price is $1.10 each. HG gets a modest discount when HG buys in quantity for a family feast. Don’t look for South Lake oysters at your fish monger. They never leave the Island. Too bad, oyster fanatics.

HG has never been in Newfoundland but HG has much love for this chilly land. To begin with, one of HG’s best life companions was a very big, black, highly intelligent Newfoundland dog named Bobo. The big boy would often accompany HG to Vietnamese and Chinese restaurants in Denver, creating anxiety on the part of the waitstaff. And while many visitors have regaled HG with tales of Newfoundland’s physical beauty and the rollicking Irish charm of its residents, what really impresses HG is the quality of the sea creatures procured from its shores: Wondrous cod, hake, haddock and halibut are all fished off the Newfoundland coast. But, until recently, HG was unaware of the tiny, succulent fresh water shrimp from Newfoundland. HG discovered them at the By the Bay Fish Mart in St. Peter’s Bay, Prince Edward Island. They have since become a staple. HG mixes them with mayonnaise, chopped onion, celery and herbs for an estimable salad. However, HG likes them best the Venetian way. A bit of finely chopped garlic. Good olive oil. Chopped parsley. With a glass of chilled white wine it is the perfect way to begin a summer meal.

Browsing through a delightful food and drink writing anthology, Second Helpings–A Taste of The Glenfiddich Awards, HG came upon an extreme example of English eccentricity: A glowing testimony to a greasy, unhealthy high caloric pub treat called Chip Buttty. HG mused that “Chip Butty” would be an appropriate name for a gay porno actor. The culinary Chip Butty is a sandwich. It is composed of heavily buttered white bread. Indeed, the bread should “ooze” butter. The sandwich filling is French fries, preferably fried in lard or beef suet. A dash of malt vinegar, a squirt of ketchup and sprinkles of salt and pepper complete this treat. HG presumes this should be consumed in a pub with tankards of warm brown ale. Football (soccer) on the telly. Drunken football chants being chanted. Possibly, HG is being harsh. After all, HG is a lover of some pretty reprehensible and messy treats like the chow mein sandwiches served on hamburger buns you can still procure from Nathan’s Famous hot dog stand at New York’s Coney Island. And, at Sammy’s Romanian Restaurant on New York’s Lower East Side, HG likes to smother fried “half dollar” potatoes and other dishes with abundant amounts of golden chicken fat. Unhealthy, greasy — but not truly eccentric — is an HG sandwich favorite: Salami and eggs on an onion roll (pletzel). The salami (heavily fatty and garlicky Jewish salami available from Zabar’s and Katz’s Deli in New York) should be cooked with scrambled eggs pancake style. Onions fried until crisp in chicken fat are a nice addition.

Americans are amused and sometimes repulsed by oddly named British desserts: Spotted Dick, Toad in the Hole, Roly Poly, etc. They are missing a treat. Many of these desserts make ample use of expertly made custard plus dates, raisin and other good things. There is a club in London (Members are mostly “old boys” of posh schools like Eton and Harrow) which meets periodically to consume abundant amounts of these yummies. HG is fond of bangers, the rather bland but good British sausages, and Scotch eggs, the pub treat of fried and breaded hard boiled eggs. An unpleasant habit of the British is serving canned baked beans and tinned mushrooms with a breakfast of eggs and bacon (plus cold toast, of course). At “chippies” (Fish and chips eateries), the classic duo of fish and chips (French fries) is often accompanied by “mushy peas,” a vile concoction. Most of the old criticism of British cooking (bland, mushy, boring, over-cooked) no longer applies. As a foodie destination, London is on a par with New York, filled with excellent restaurants of every description and ethnicity. But, if you are on a budget, it is wise to concentrate on Indian and Korean food. Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding still stars at Simpson’s on the Strand and Dover sole rules at J. Sheekey. These are two of the world’s best dishes and are unsurpassed at these historic restaurants. A very good, properly brewed pot of tea is available all over London, even at museum cafeterias. HG/BSK always interrupt their visits at the Tate Modern and Albert & Victoria with tea plus crumpets lavishly adorned with jam and clotted cream. Londoners bemoan the fact that there are only one or two traditional “eel and pie” shops (specializing in jellied eels) remaining. HG does not share their sadness.

At the urging (very vigorous urging) of BSK, obedient HG has given up vodka as a pre-dinner cocktail. A sobering move. Instead, creative HG fills a wine glass with ice. In goes some cheap, indifferent white wine plus some Campari and generous squeezes of lime. A refreshing, lightly alcoholic drink. Perfect for summer. While sipping, HG thought how Campari is one of the Great Improvers — it enlivens sparkling water, tonic water and, when living dangerously, it can make even the most pedestrian vodka sing; an even better pairing is vodka, Campari, sweet vermouth, dry vermouth and lots of ice. Strained into a chilled martini glass — delicious. Other members of the Great Improvers Club are Sriracha, Parmesan cheese and sour cream (or Greek yogurt). Few things are not made better by a judicious squirt of tongue tingling sriracha. It first made its appearance on the tables of Vietnamese restaurants in the United States. Now,it can be found in every supermarket and in every professional kichen — a Sriracha flavored Dorito chip cannot be far behind. Parmesan is the savior of indifferent Italian cooking (and salad making). Sour cream and/or thick Greek yogurt rescues many Jewish/Russian/Eastern European dishes. Borscht, schav (chilled sorrel soup) and pelmeny (Siberian ravioli) should always be served with abundant dollops of sour cream. Karnezelach (beef-onion-garlic-parsley burgers formed into fat cigar shapes and pan broiled) are attractive with Greek yogurt enhanced by garlic, olive oil and some sliced radish. Latkes (potato pancakes) become poetic with good sour cream. As for blintzes, pierogi, etc. All are simply excuses to eat lots of sour cream.

HG is hunt-and-pecking on the HG MacBook with sticky fingers. That’s because HG is happily devouring his second plate of Schnecken with HG’s morning cafe au lait. You may not be familiar with Schnecken and
that is your misfortune. They are little pastries, an Eastern European version of the cinnamon roll (but not as sweet) and the Danish (but smaller and not as buttery). Much in common with the more familiar Rugelach (but lighter and better). The literal translation of Schnecken is “snails.” That’s because the sour cream dough is rolled into snail like spirals. These spirals contain chopped walnuts and sweet spicing. Schnecken are glazed and crisp. In H.L.Mencken’s phrase, “They add to the gaiety of nations.” And why is HG devouring Schnecken on Prince Edward Island, a most unlikely venue? The answer is SCH, Peter H.’s very original wife. Besides possessing a Ph. D. in economics, SCH possesses the scientific skills necessary to produce great baked goods. SCH determined that she would bake Schnecken during her visit with HG/BSK on PEI. Most people would not want to labor over an oven on a summer day. Not SCH. The skilled woman liked the idea of spending time in the HG/BSK kitchen with its endless views of sea, sky and greenery. Weather cooperated by being unseasonably cool. A Schnecken festival for everyone — HG/BSK; Peter H.; guests Nir B. and Wendy W. Thank you, SCH…and, yes, HG will have another!

The search for a Jewish rye bread that could match the unique, slightly sour, crusty flavors that emanated from the loaves sold in the Jewish bakeries of HG’s youth has been a long, frustrating and ultimately unsuccessful search…Until now. Peter H., presently visiting HG/BSK in Prince Edward Island brought the gift of Zabar’s caraway seed rye bread house-baked at Zabar’s under the personal supervision of the store’s president and chief executive, Saul Zabar. Zabar’s, of course, is the New York landmark on the Upper West Side — a store that attracts thousands of customers weekly for its vast assortment of smoked fish, cheese, coffee, housewares and gourmet items of every description. When it comes to food, Saul Zabar is super demanding. He strives for excellence and that is reflected in everything from the store’s smoked salmon to its espresso beans. Rye bread, however, proved elusive. No outside source could achieve the standard Saul desired so he decided to bake the bread in house. HG tasted a slice of the loaf yesterday with cream cheese and smoked salmon. Then HG consumed a lightly buttered slice. Then an austere slice au naturel. The years fell away. HG was back in The Bronx circa 1940. Yes, Zabar’s rye bread is the real deal. But, HG (no slave to mindless nostalgia), has to admit: Saul Zabar’s product is superior to the Bronx bread of yesteryear.

In New York, Nova Scotia smoked salmon is always called, with affection, Novy. It is one of HG’s favorite foods. Less salty than traditional lox and moister than Scotch or Irish smoked salmon. When HG lived on Manhattan’s West Side, a few short blocks from Zabar’s, the great smoked fish (and other splendid edibles) emporium, HG often breakfasted on a warm bialy decked with cream cheese and topped with Novy and capers. The shores of Nova Scotia are only a few miles from HG/BSK’s Prince Edward Island home so the local fish merchant always has Novy in stock (at a much lower price than Zabar’s or SJ’s beloved Russ & Daughters). BSK likes Novy on dense black bread purchased at PEI’s Farmers Market. HG finds the bread too assertive. If no bialys or bagels are at hand, HG enjoys his Novy sauteed with chopped onions in butter and mixed with softly scrambled eggs. Either way, HG’sh Novy breakfast tradition continues to be observed from the streets of Manhattan all the way to the shores of Eastern Canada.

Little chance for sunburn on Prince Edward Island. Grey skies. North wind. Rain in the future. Friends Peter H. (the distinguished author/journalist/wine authority) and his equally distinguished economist wife, SCH, have arrived . Seem undismayed by the weather as they have left a very steamy New York behind. The generous couple came heavily laden with culinary treats. To wit: Croissants (better than Paris). Bagels. Bialys. Authentic Jewish rye bread. Bonito flakes. Coffee. Nuts. Halvah. Great wine. And, more, much more. Such thoughtfulness should be rewarded so HG/BSK greeted the duo with freshly shucked South Lake oysters (better than Malpeques) and dry smoked salmon. Dinner was BSK’s version of Mapu Tofu with a sauce of ground pork, onions, garlic, mushrooms, etc. Plus some room temperature capellini with a dash of sesame oil and sriracha. Peter/SCH were introduced to Canadian butter tarts as dessert. They approved.