HUNGRY GERALD

Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s worth it. HG is referring to Spanish canned tuna. Infinitely better than American. Even better than Italian. HG likes to eat it in three different dishes:

Number one: Mix it with thinly sliced red onions, Goya canned white beans and capers. Make a dressing of olive oil, lemon juice, salt and pepper.

Number two: Empty the tuna fish can on a platter. Surround it with scallions, carrot shavings plus parboiled and cooled haricots vert, cauliflower, broccoli (or any combination of raw and cooked vegetables). Make a goodly quantity of aioli (garlic infused mayonnaise with a touch of cayenne), Accompany it all with a baguette and a bottle of very cold Spanish rose.

Number three: Saute a robust quantity of finely chopped garlic, parsley and sweet onion in olive oil. Toss some linguini fini in salted boiling water. When done, drain and add to frying pan with the done-to-pale-gold onions and garlic. Top with a can of tuna. Add some tablespoons of capers (and some slices of kalamata olives, if you like). Some Italian hot pepper flakes are a good idea. Just warm the tuna a bit in the pasta mixture (you are not cooking it). Top with a bit of chopped parsley before serving. This is true Mediterranean comfort food. And, Doc, no cholesterol.

Why is HG a Brit-loving Anglophile? HG recently studied his discharge summary from University College London Hospitals. The summary starts: “This nice gentleman is in London on holiday, etc.,etc.” HG has been called many things in his time but “nice gentleman” has not been among them. HG welcomes the recognition of his better qualities.

Fresh Sole is usually available at your local fish monger or supermarket. These are very thin fillets and can easily fall apart in the cooking. Here’s what HG does with this very fragile fish: Start by asking your fish purveyor to give you the fattest fillets. Like his mother, HG is demanding when purchasing food. HG rejects the skinnies. Once you have the pudgiest Sole in your hands, dust the fish with some flour (or my favorite Zattarain’s Fish Fry). Heat safflower oil or grapeseed oil until quite hot. Put a serving platter to warm in the oven. Saute the fish very quickly. Maybe 40 seconds per side. Don’t worry about them being under-done. You’ll pop the fillets into the serving platter and they’ll finish cooking in the slightly warm oven. You might want to put some paper towel on the platter to drain any excess oil.

HG likes to serve this Sole with Japanese Soba (buckwheat) noodles. The noodles cook rapidly, typically in five or six minutes. When done, put them in a colander and give them a rinse in cold water. These noodles are best at room temperature or cold. Put them in a bowl. Add sesame oil and a squirt of sriracha. Serve alongside your Sole with a mache salad and you’ve got yourself a nutritious, low calorie meal.

Like his mother, HG worries about your health.

First, pour a glass of icy white wine. Sip. Finely chop some garlic and parsley. Heat your pan to high. Give it a glug of olive oil. Toss in the garlic, parsley and a bunch of shell- on shrimp. Dust liberally with piquant Spanish paprika. Saute quickly at a high temperature. You’ve got a spicy dish prepared in minutes. Another HG seafood trick that he picked up in Rhode Island. Cut up calamari into rings and tentacles. Dust lightly with Zatarain’s Fish Fry. Saute in some olive oil. Give it a hit of red pepper flakes. At last moment add some Mazzetta Mini Hot Pepper Rings (or any other vinegary peppers you like). Do not overcook — Bad for squid! Keep it on heat until peppers are slightly warmed. Sip some more icy wine. Be happy.

HG just discovered Almondina, This is a crisp, not sweet cookie filled with almond slices and dried fruit. Perfect with red wine or port. HG prefers it (Sorry, Italian pals) to biscotti. HG buys Almondina at Trader Joe’s but is sure it is available at many other grocers. As Don Corrado in “Prizzi’s Honor” (the John Huston classic) said to Angelica Huston: “Have a cookie, my dear.”

New York Times just did a big piece on vegetable burgers. The claim is that these horrors are good to eat. HG doesn’t buy it. Who needs veggie burgers? Have we run out of cows? There are so many good things to do with vegetables rather than dicing them into some semblance of a true burger. Reminds HG of the protose steak that was served at New York’s old time Kosher, non-meat restaurants. These eateries obeyed the Mosaic dietary rule that meat and dairy products not be eaten in the same meal (Kosher law contains a great more complexity than “no meat with your dairy,” but let’s leave that to the Talmudical scholars). Anyway, meatless meat was a concession to Kosher Jews who wanted a taste of flesh with their dairy. Enter the horrifying protose steak. HG believes it was made of soy, barley and wheat products. It most assuredly did not taste like meat. HG believes it tasted like a veggie burger. It was awful.

If you want a non-meat burger-like product why not tuck some falafel (Israeli fried chick pea balls) into a pita with lettuce, onion, tomato, yogurt? Add the hot sauce of your choice (harissa, sriracha, sambal oelek or just plain Tabasco). Now, that’s a veggie burger worth eating.

If you have the misfortune (like HG) to be diagnosed with a pesky strain of European pneumonia make sure you are in London and check into University College Hospital. HG had superb care there. And, the food wasn’t bad. What HG liked was a patient could opt for vegetarian, halal or Afro/Caribbean food. HG chose Afro/Caribbean and it had some spice and zest to it. Thank you, Doctors McAnn and Crummy.

Lux Cafe in Paris’ Montmartre neighborhood is located half way up steep Rue Lepic from naughty Pigalle. It should be the ideal bar/cafe in which to sip a drink, nibble some treats and people watch. It looks pleasantly antique and slightly disheveled. The juke box delights with old rock and roll and soul.

Parisian restaurants, bistros, cafes and bars are strictly no smoking. The outdoor cafe areas are another story. They are nicotine heaven. HG sipped a chilled pear eau de vie in Lux’s outdoor cafe seating area as he read his International Herald Tribune. HG was surrounded by voluble young women. The lovely things all wore the current fashion uniform. Short skirt with black leggings, tall boots and a snug, short down jacket. This was varied by some fashionistas who wore very skinny jeans. A pretty sight. However, each stylish woman seemed to be puffing away on what seemed to be at least three cigarettes at once. The Lux outdoor cafe floated in a blue haze and HG smelled like a Gauloise. This tobacco onslaught keeps Lux from being perfect. One can, of course, sip a drink at the indoor bar. But, then you are surrounded by grizzled, grumbling old guys not winsome young things.

Win some. Lose some.

Farewell dinner for Glorious Granddaughters at Gabriel’s in Tesuque, NM (a few miles north of the Santa Fe Opera). Guacamole Especial is big time at Gabriel’s. A cart is wheeled table side and a skilled specialist with a P.H.D. hand mixes avocados, tomatoes, onions, fresh oregano and cilantro, lime juice…and some secret ingredients. The sublime guacamole is served with appropriate ceremony in a Molcajete bowl made of volcanic rock. All agreed this was the best guacamole ever. It was followed by carnitas (shredded marinated roast pork) topped with lightly stewed tomatoes and squash; beef chimichangas (deep fried burritos); charro beans; corn tortillas; more guacamole and pitchers of sangria. Sopapillas (Mexican popovers) with honey and flan for dessert. Much tasty fun. Gabriel’s has a beautiful terrace (opens in May) and HG intends to spend some hours there sipping margaritas and dipping into Guacamole Especial. La dolce vida in The Land of Enchantment.

HG is a devoted fan of that wonderful writer, Ian Frazier. HG is currently engrossed in Frazier’s “Travels in Siberia.” There is a direct link between Frazier’s diet on his Siberian voyage and HG’s diet as a youngster in The Bronx. The staple Siberian food is cottage cheese and smetana (sour cream) which Frasier ate at least twice a day during his rugged travels. Little HG also had a robust ration of smetana daily. Sour cream was always called “smetana” in the HG household, a reminder of HG’s Russian ancestry. HG had smetana with boiled potatoes. Smetana with borscht. Smetana with schav (cold sorrel soup, a summer treat). Smetana with cottage cheese, pot cheese, farmer cheese. Smetana with herring. Smetana with kasha. Smetana with chopped scallions and radishes. Smetana with every variety of fruit. The little guy ingested an awful lot of smetana.

This sour cream wasn’t the pallid stuff you find in supermarket containers these days. Bronx smetana was a local product, bought at local stores where butter didn’t come in packages but was cut from a giant tub. The closest you can get to Bronx smetana is Greek yogurt. Happily, it’s easily available. Followers of HG may note that HG adds Greek yogurt to many dishes. Childhood food comforts live forever.